What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 10:59
And i lived it daily.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What are the pros and cons of banning homosexuality?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She loved him until the end.
Who then, do I blame.?
What do you like about McDonald's?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
How do you leave a relationship when you are still in love?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How did Nickelback gain a large fan base despite criticism of their music?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
How can you tell if someone is cunning?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What is your biggest mistake or regret?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What do you think, TikTok is nothing but another porn site? Do you agree or not? Why?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What does it mean when we dream about demons, ghosts, monsters, etc.?
My life is so biszare .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Has anyone tried bestiality and been caught?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She found it foreign!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is soul school!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I think the readers, may guess!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But, we were locked up after school.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
I don,t even have a pension.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
What did i know ?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was scared of men, in general
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it wasn’t much.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She married twice! .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
He knew the spot.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ive learnt so much.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My family never makes their pension either.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was 9 years of age.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We all went to grammer schools
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
All the time i was locked up.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I said to her
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I will be 64.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I have no regrets .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Put me off passion for life!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I write beautiful poetry .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot live in the past .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would this be the day?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was in good health!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I waited trembling.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So, i spoilt her more .